Moments
by FantasyEmpress
Summary: Set somewhere near the end of the first season. Several moments between Inuyasha and Kagome leave her once again unsure about whether Inuyasha sees her, or Kikyo. I may add Inuyasha's POV later. Please forgive any out-of-characterness, I'm new to InY.
1. Soft Moment

**Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended, just having fun.**

**AN: Please note, I've just recently become an Inuyasha addict. I've only watched roughly the fist season on YouTube (You have NO idea how many ages it takes to do that on dialup!)…so anyway, because I've only seen season one, there's obviously some things I don't know about it all yet, so anyone who knows the whole series may find gaps and incorrect bits. **

Sometimes, when we stop moving around long enough for me to think of unimportant things, I wonder about my companions. I wonder what makes a lecher become a monk, how an orphaned fox can keep a smile on his little face, how a flea can vanish so fast on such tiny limbs when danger nears. Speaking of the flea, I haven't seen him in awhile…where'd he get to?

Lately, however, I find my mind settled on one thing. Why would a dog boy, with all the defensive instincts and cautious awareness of a dog, wear bright red? Why not green or brown or grey, something to help him blend with the forest? I know it partially has to do with the fact that it offers excellent protection against attacks; I've experienced it for myself. Still, couldn't it be bleached and dyed? He likes to be alone, increasingly so since his encounter with the reincarnated Kikyo and Miroku's revelation of her murderer. But if he craves privacy so much, why does he wear such a vivid color? We can all spot him, moping in whatever tree he chooses, from a great distance away.

Tonight, he disappeared right after supper, leaping up into the trees and moving some ten meters from camp; not far enough that anything could attack us without him noting it, but far enough so that he no doubt hoped to block Shippo's cheerful chatter from his sensitive ears. By the way they are twitching as I approach him, I doubt it's working.

I know that he knows I'm here; he just chooses to ignore me. It makes part of me mad, and I'm considering "sitting" him right out of that branch. At the same time, though, I feel sorry for him. I imagine it's bad enough to lose someone you care for, but to lose someone you care for and have them believe you caused their death? That must be awful. There is another feeling inside me, but I refuse to name it in conscious thought…still, the word keeps seeping into my mind. _Jealously. _I don't understand it. Inuyasha is my friend. Why should I feel…I shake my head to get rid of the thought before it can form completely.

Me shaking my head must remind him of my prescense, he can probably hear the sound of my hair moving or smell my shampoo; he glances over one scarlet-clad shoulder at me, black brows drawn together beneath white bangs in an all too familiar expression of annoyance.

"What do _you_ want?" His slight empasis on the 'you' implies that I'm the _last _person he wants to see right now.

"Are you alright?"

"Humph. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I dunno. You just seems quiet, is all."

"Keh."

He turns away from me again, and I roll my eyes behind his back. I wish I could jump up in the tree myself and get right in his face, force him to look at me. I hate it when he won't look me in the eyes.

Wrong thought to think. Memories rush back at me before I can still their flow.

"_Mind explaining why you haven't been able to look me straight in the eye since yesterday?!"_

"_Mph. You're obviously imagining things."_

"_I get it! This is all about me looking like Kikyo! That's it, isn't it?! That's why you can't look at me!"_

_When his honey colored eyes met mine, it felt like the wind had been knocked out of me in a whoosh. He grabbed my hand in a slightly rough manner, yanking it away from where I had still been holding on to his silver tresses after tugging him to me by the hair moments before. _

"_Inuyasha?!" _

"_It's not…it's not like that."_

_He almost kissed me then. _

My thoughts are jolted back to the present by the light thud of his feet landing on the ground just in front of me. He tilts his head to one side quizzically. I find myself studying his handsome face, especially those beautiful eyes, that had been so close to mine that day, when he leaned in towards me, such gentleness radiating from him…_Stop it! I can't be thinking of him that way! He doesn't care about me! He was looking at Kikyo, seeing his first love in me."_

Again, I pull myself from my inner turmoil to meet his eyes.

"C'mon, Kagome, we should get some sleep. We gotta move early in the morning."

Still, he doesn't move. He just looks at me. Then, stunning me slightly, he lifts one hand, brushing a stray lock of hair back from my face with one clawed finger, tucking it gently behind my ear. He does not speak, does not smile, does not even seem to acknowledge what he's doing. Suddenly, he seems to come back to himself. He does not move, and yet seems to shake his head, as if to clear it. An almost unoticible blush touches his high cheekbones. He hastily draws his hand away and stuffs the offending appendage and its twin into the loose sleeves of his outrageously red robe.

"Keh."

He turns from me and walks away, leaving me to sink to the ground, arms wrapped around myself, cheeks flushed and heart racing, telling myself over and over.

_He was looking at Kikyo, not me. He was looking at Kikyo. _


	2. Sorrowful Moment

I snuggle into my sleeping bag, sleep denied by memories of a feeling I don't want to be having. My heart won't stop thumping. All he did was touch me, just a brief, soft touch. Yet the memory replays over and over in my head, added to the already tortuous memory of the time he nearly kissed me, driving slumber far from me.

"_C'mon, Kagome, we should get some sleep. We gotta move early in the morning."_

_Still, he doesn't move. He just looks at me. Then, stunning me slightly, he lifts one hand, brushing a stray lock of hair back from my face with one clawed finger, tucking it gently behind my ear. He does not speak, does not smile, does not even seem to acknowledge what he's doing. Suddenly, he seems to come back to himself. He does not move, and yet seems to shake his head, as if to clear it. An almost unnoticeable blush touches his high cheekbones. He hastily draws his hand away and stuffs the offending appendage and its twin into the loose sleeves of his outrageously red robe. _

"_Keh."_

_He turns from me and walks away, leaving me to sink to the ground, arms wrapped around myself, cheeks flushed and heart racing, telling myself over and over._

_He was looking at Kikyo, not me. He was looking at Kikyo. _

I look across the embers of the fire to where he lays, sprawled out on his stomach, arms crossed before him, chin resting on his arms. His golden eyes are half open, and he stares into the forest, a strange, yearning expression on his face. I know he is thinking of her. Of Kikyo.

How can I be so jealous of a dead woman? A woman who is perhaps, on some level, me? I'm her reincarnation. Does that make us the same person? Is that why my heart beats so much faster when Inuyasha so much as glances my way? Is my soul calling out to a memory? To a time hundreds of years ago to me, fifty years to Inuyasha, a time when I was his? But if that's true, wouldn't I also bear the same deep hatred that Kikyo bore him, a hatred drawn from a broken heart? I don't hate Inuyasha. Does that mean that I am someone completely different from Kikyo, or does it mean that that hatred was the only part of my soul which Kikyo kept when she left, when she fell?

I watch Inuyasha. I suppose he probably knows I'm watching him. I don't care. Why hide it? I can't have him, so I may as well enjoy the sight of him; the silky silver hair spread around him, the half lidded, solemn golden eyes, those adorable dog ears swiveling back and forth atop his head as he listens for any danger. Suddenly, without moving anything but his eyes, he meets my gaze, and his dark brows pull down over those beloved honey orbs. One of his fangs is hooked over his bottom lip, and as he glares at me, I wonder if I've ever before met someone so dangerous…or so attractive.

I can almost hear his thoughts. _What're you lookin' at, human?! Leave me alone! _As if to confirm my guess of his thoughts, he suddenly breaks eye contact and rises, jumping gracefully up into the branches of a huge tree overhead. For some reason, the fact that he would leave camp just to avoid my gaze, piled upon everything else, breaks the last of my control over my emotions, and I bury my face in my pillow and try very hard not to wake the others as I sob.


	3. Sensual Moment

Inuyasha is looking at me strangely. I know he can smell the blood, but I'm hoping he has the wits to figure out what's going on, and the kindness to not mention it. Shippo stops and sniffs every once in a while, but his nose isn't as sensitive, and I don't think he can figure out what exactly it is that he keeps smelling. If Inuyasha breathes a word about this, I'll "sit" him until there's a crater so deep it'll be a landmark for passing travelers for years. This would all be so much easier if I were a guy. I could fight better, and wouldn't have to worry about being kidnapped by lechers (hint, hint, Miroku), and I wouldn't have to worry about this stupid "time of the month" problem.

Suddenly Inuyasha stops so abruptly that Miroku smacks into his back, causing a minor squabble with a few curses being growled out, mostly by Inuyasha. Finally he speaks clearly.

"We make camp here. Kagome, there's a hot spring over that knoll. You can bathe if you want."

The way he says it makes it sound strangely like an order. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe the smell of my blood makes him feel sick. He leaps up into the tree above the clearing we're in, ignoring Miroku's protests that there's still an hour left of daylight.

Embarrassed and irritated, I head for the hot spring. Part of me wants to believe Inuyasha was actually just being sensitive, but I doubt it. The water is certainly nice, but I can't help wondering what Inuyasha's problem is. Hasn't he ever been around a woman on her monthly before? Wouldn't he have been around his mother, around Kikyo? Is it just that the reminder of Kikyo, the similarity in the smell of our bloods, is too painful for him. I hate not knowing what he's thinking.

Seeing a flash of color out of the corner of my eye, I look up into the tallest tree at the side of the spring and see Inuyasha sitting there. My first instinct is to "sit" him, but then I realize he's got his back to me. He must know I'm here, but he obviously isn't trying to peek. Moving so that I'm seeing him from the side and can see part of his front, I notice that he has his right hand over his nose and mouth, using his sleeve to shield his sensitive sinuses. Do I really smell that bad? I march out of the spring, anger now fueling my thoughts. I dig through by backpack for the box of tampons, muttering all the while. Having done what I needed to do, I consider whether or not to get dressed before I confront Inuyasha. _No_, I decide, _I don't want to have time to let my tempter cool down. Let him have it!_ Wrapping a towel around myself, I call up to him.

"Inuyasha, get down here right this minute or I'll say it!"

Looking startled at the anger in my voice, he leaps down to stand only about a foot away from me. His eyes swiftly take me in, and for a moment, I almost think they spark and darken, as if with lust. _No. _I tell myself, as I always do. _Anything he feels for you is just an old echo of what he felt for Kikyo. _

"What?! What'd I do now?!"

"Why are you avoiding me?!"

"I'm not!"

"Why were you covering your nose just now?!"

"You know why!"

Curse mood swings; I can't seem to stop the tears that suddenly fill my eyes and flow down my cheeks.

"Dang it, Kagome, don't cry!"

"Stop yelling at me! SIT!"

I listen to the satisfying sound of him falling at my feet. Still, when his silky hair brushes my toes, I instantly go from tears to laughter, and my uncontrollable ticklishness just makes me angrier. As he rises to sit cross legged, however, I see a strange look in his eye; something I'm not sure I've ever seen before. It's pure, wicked mischief.

I'm not entirely sure how I ended up like this, flat on my back with him attacking my feet with those awful clawed fingers. I'm terribly, terribly ticklish there. I don't want to be laughing as hard as I am; I want to be mad at him, but something about the fact that he's actually teasing me and playing with me softens my temper. It's very hard to hold a towel wrapped around yourself while writhing and squirming, believe you me!

A soft breeze drifts over us, and suddenly he sits up straight and releases me, tensing, his nose wrinkling. For a moment, I fear danger, but quickly realize that the breeze must have brought the renewed scent of my blood to his nose. The look on his face is strangely akin to fear.

"Inuyasha…do I really stink that bad? I mean…I know it's gross and all, but do you have to keep acting like I have the plague or something? It'll only be a few days…"

He growls at me, a strangely feral look in his eyes. He drives his fangs into his lip, not even wincing, apparently unaware of the blood slipping from one corner of his mouth. It makes him look like a wild animal.

"Just…just let me be, Kagome. Until your bleeding's done."

"Inuyasha…don't you care at all?"

He snarls; a low, animalistic sound. The look in his eyes scares me, and yet sets my blood on fire, causes a feeling to rush through me that was previously unknown to me. Is this…is this lust? I've heard of what lust feels like, the feelings and sensations that driving sexual attraction causes. I've never experienced it, not until now, watching Inuyasha fight some inexplicable inner battle. As my thoughts turn to what I am feeling, to the tingling suddenly rushing through my body, I watch his eyes slowly close.

"Kagome…don't…don't do that."

"Do what?" My voice sounds strangely breathless. "What did I do?"

"Don't…don't think like that. I can hear your heart pounding. I can smell your excitement over the scent of your blood. Stop thinking like that. It only makes it harder."

"Makes what harder?"

"It…it makes it harder not to…to take you."

Surely he can't mean what it sounds like he means? I can feel the blush tinging my cheeks. Surely he can't mean he wants to…with me? While I'm bleeding? That's just gross…and yet…my body seems to like the idea a little too much.

"Inuyasha?" My voice is unnaturally high, nervous. "What do you mean?"

He moves several feet away from me and covers his nose.

"Have you ever seen a female dog in heat, Kagome? Do you know how they attract the males?"

For a moment, I'm puzzled by the change of subject. Then it hits me. Female dogs bleed when they're in heat. Suddenly it all clicks together. He still doesn't care about me. There's no emotion behind the lust in his eyes. It's an instinct. A purely physical reaction. The dog in him reacting to what it sees as an invitation.

I can feel the tears slipping down my cheeks, and suddenly he is with me again. I can't help the gasp as his warm tongue laps at my wet face, reminding me of a puppy I had when I was just a little kid. With a low groan, he buries his nose in the hollow of my throat, licking at the sensitive flesh. Then I'm on my back, and he's stretched out on top of me, still licking at my neck, and I'm thinking how easy it would be for him to rip the towel off and do whatever he wants with me, whether I like it or not. And I'm ashamed to know I would like it.

I want him. The feeling is new and strange and wickedly delightful. I have no strength to resist him, to resist the little licks and nibbles and kisses he keeps placing all over my chin and neck. Why doesn't he kiss my mouth? I want to feel his lips on mine. But dogs don't kiss like people. And right now, I don't think Inuyasha is nearly as human as he is dog. I reach up, touching his wonderful ears. For a moment, he leans into the touch, rubbing his head against my hand just like my puppy used to. Then suddenly, he tenses again, his eyes flickering to meet mine, his expression a dangerous mix of lust and anger…and sorrow.

"Kik…Kagome…"

Then he is gone, leaping up into the trees above, fleeing from me. I didn't miss the way he almost said _her _name. Is that it then? Did he use to treat Kikyo like this when she was bleeding? Had he done with her what he had chosen not to do with me? Jealousy and sorrow and white hot fury burn through me. I suppose on some level I am grateful he left me when he did. It would have been wrong, to do what I wanted to do. And I am glad he did not choose to use me simply to relive a memory. Still, I hate him for never touching me without thinking about _her._

As I pull on my clothes, tears of frustration and hurt slipping down my cheeks, I wonder what it would be like to have someone care for me, the way Inuyasha cares for Kikyo. I wonder if I'll ever know.


	4. Sharing Moment

**AN: These are still all set back near the end of the first season**. **At this point, Kikyo's fallen off the cliff, and everyone thinks she's dead again. **

I know Inuyasha is in the trees above us, but I rarely see him, and when I do, he doesn't speak to me. He's barely spoken to me since five days ago. Even though my bleeding's stopped, he won't come near me unless it's absolutely necessary.

I can see Miroku's wise eyes often flicking to me, then up to where Inuyasha leaps from branch to branch through the trees, and then back to me again. He knows something's not right. I'm half surprised he didn't see the whole thing, and I have no doubt that if he had known what was going to happen between Inuyasha and I at the hot spring, he would have been spying. I'm surprised he wasn't spying on me bathing anyway. He must have been afraid Inuyasha would chop his head off. What a show he had missed!

"_Have you ever seen a female dog in heat, Kagome? Do you know how they attract the males?"_

_For a moment, I'm puzzled by the change of subject. Then it hits me. Female dogs bleed when they're in heat. Suddenly it all clicks together. He still doesn't care about me. There's no emotion behind the lust in his eyes. It's an instinct. A purely physical reaction. The dog in him reacting to what it sees as an invitation. _

_I can feel the tears slipping down my cheeks, and suddenly he is with me again. I can't help the gasp as his warm tongue laps at my wet face, reminding me of a puppy I had when I was just a little kid. With a low groan, he buries his nose in the hollow of my throat, licking at the sensitive flesh. Then I'm on my back, and he's stretched out on top of me, still licking at my neck, and I'm thinking how easy it would be for him to rip the towel off and do whatever he wants with me, whether I like it or not. And I'm ashamed to know I would like it. _

_I want him. The feeling is new and strange and wickedly delightful. I have no strength to resist him, to resist the little licks and nibbles and kisses he keeps placing all over my chin and neck. Why doesn't he kiss my mouth? I want to feel his lips on mine. But dogs don't kiss like people. And right now, I don't think Inuyasha is nearly as human as he is dog. I reach up, touching his wonderful ears. For a moment, he leans into the touch, rubbing his head against my hand just like my puppy used to. Then suddenly, he tenses again, his eyes flickering to meet mine, his expression a dangerous mix of lust and anger…and sorrow. _

"_Kik…Kagome…"_

_Then he is gone, leaping up into the trees above, fleeing from me. I didn't miss the way he almost said her name. Is that it then? Did he use to treat Kikyo like this when she was bleeding? Had he done with her what he had chosen not to do with me? Jealousy and sorrow and white hot fury burn through me. I suppose on some level I am grateful he left me when he did. It would have been wrong, to do what I wanted to do. And I am glad he did not choose to use me simply to relive a memory. Still, I hate him for never touching me without thinking about her. _

It's been five days; five days of near silence between us. I'm not sure if he's ashamed, or regretting, or just stupidly angry at me for looking and smelling like Kikyo. Guys can be such idiots.

The sun is setting, and Inuyasha calls down to us to make camp. He doesn't come down. He just moves farther away and parks himself in the thick branches of a huge hardwood nearby.

As night falls, I curl into my sleeping bag and try to sleep, though I know it is impossible. Miroku is sitting staring into the fire. Shippo is sleeping on my backpack. Suddenly Miroku's violet eyes fall on me. For a moment, I assume he thinks I'm asleep and is considering doing something weird to me while I'm unaware. But then I realize there is nothing but a sort of kind curiosity in his face.

"What happened between you and Inuyasha, Kagome?"

Worried that he will hear, I glance towards the tree where Inuyasha perches, a brief spot of red in the darkness.

"He's asleep, I checked. You don't have to tell me, Kagome, but if you need someone to talk to…I'm here."

I force a weak smile.

"Thanks Miroku. It's just…he keeps acting like…like he feels something for me. But every time, I eventually realize it's just Kikyo he sees when he looks at me."

The monk nodded sagely.

"I thought that was what the problem was. Give him time, Kagome. Remember, even though it's been fifty years since Kikyo's death, he has not had that amount of time to mourn her. He did not realize she had died until Kaede told him shortly after you first came here."

"How did you know that?"

"Kaede filled me in."

"Oh."

"Anyway, he's only had a very short time to mourn Kikyo, and just when he might perhaps be to the point of moving on, Urasuay resurrected her. And now he has to deal with figuring out just what happened that day. It's no longer just sorrow; now he feels the need to avenge her as well. Also, it's hard for him to handle the fact that she fell off the cliff still hating him. It's hard to feel closure about a death when you know the person died…died twice, in fact…believing you betrayed them. Give him time, and I imagine that after we defeat Naraku, after he gets that closure, he'll look at you and realize what a fool he's been to hold on to a memory when he could have had you all the while."

I can't help but smile at the honest kindness in his words. He is making a lot of sense, too. I glance again to where Inuyasha sleeps. Miroku smiles at me.

"You'll see, Kagome. Everything will be alright."

When I snuggle back down into my sleeping bag, sleep finally comes.


	5. Serene Moment

It's quiet, dark. I finally was able to sleep earlier, but something woke me up. Slowly I open my eyes. The fire has burned down to embers. Miroku is sleeping sitting up, crosslegged, and Shippo has snuggled into his lap. What woke me? Slightly fearful, I roll over and find myself looking into two familiar, beloved golden eyes. He's watching me with the same strange, longing expression he gets whenever he's thinking about Kikyo. As he no doubt is now. I've given up hoping he might actually be looking at me.

As his eyes meet mine, I watch the adorable flush spread over his cheeks. His eyes flicker away from me, and he tries to assume his usual belligerent look.

"Inuyasha?"

He looks back at me and swallows hard, looking more nervous than I've ever seen him. He opens his mouth as if to speak, hesitates…then finally, looking at the ground, mutters.

"I'm sorry."

Now that is something I didn't think I'd ever here from him, and it warms my heart, to know he cares at least enough to be sorry he hurt me, sorry he's ignored me. I reach to take his clawed hand in mine, and he looks up, surprise in his eyes. Maybe he was expecting me to get my revenge in "sits".

"Thank you. I'm sorry too, for reminding you of her."

He shakes his head, frowning.

"You do remind me of her. But she isn't all I see when I look at you, like you think. You're Ka-go-me, not Kikyo. Sometimes…sometimes I just can't…can't decide what I want."

I'm a little stunned. He…he sees me? He admits to seeing her in me, but…he sees me too? I'm not _just_ Kikyo?

"How did you know…how did you know I think you only see her?"

"Miroku woke me and talked to me, after you fell asleep. He was worried about breaking your confidence, but he wanted to chew me out for being insensitive."

I glance over at the apparently sleeping monk. The tiniest hint of a smile curves one corner of his handsome mouth. For all I know, he may just be having some sick dream about women, but I suspect he's wide awake and listening, pleased with himself for convincing Inuyasha to apologize. I can't help but smile. Miroku's a pretty great guy, except for that one failing…

The quiet serenity of the night settles around us. Suddenly I realize I'm still holding his hand, and he's letting me. Gently, he brushes his claws over my palm. He looks up at me from beneath those beautiful silver bangs and smiles, boyishly.

"Kagome..."

Hearing him say my name like that make me feel utterly delightful. He lifts my hand to his lips as if to kiss it, but instead, like the wonderful, adorable dog that he is, licks my palm softly.

"Goodnight."

And then he's gone again. And for the first time in days, I'm at peace.


End file.
